Last night as I was trying to organize the Summer Rep finances I started watching Star Trek: Nemesis. I assumed I'd seen it already, so I could just kind of glance at it as I concentrated on the checkbook. I quickly discovered that I had NEVER seen it! Then I remembered that when it came out, I never got around to it, and promised myself I'd see it on DVD, which I didn't, of course.

So I settled in for a long evening of Trek. And here's what I thought about it:

1. It was kind of fun. Janeway is now an admiral, played by Kate Mulgrew. Did this take place before, after, or in an alternate universe from Voyager? Did Voyager ever get home? I can't remember. Geordi has lost his hair-barette type visor and now has cool blue contacts. Riker and Troi are getting married, and the whole crew is invited to the wedding but betazoids are always naked at home, so the crew will have to get naked for the wedding. Worf worries about this, much to the hilarity of the crew. Fortunately (the cast is getting pretty long in the tooth), we never have to witness the nuptials due to the ensuing crisis. Apparantly Romulus has a sister planet called Remus (makes sense, right?). The Remans are subjugated by the Romulans. The Remans serve as slaves in the brutal dilithium mines on Remus. The Remans look nothing like the Romulans.

2. As stated above the cast is getting OLD. Data especially seems to have wrinkled rather badly. Do androids age? Hmmmm.

3. The plot is full of holes. (a) Would Janeway be made an admiral after having been lost in space all those years? (b) Would two alien planets actually be called Romulus and Remus? OR is that just what WE call them? (c) How can the Remans be both a subjugated race of slaves and a warrior race right up there with the Klingons? and would they be allowed to have an awesome warship like the Scimitar? By the way, their faces are totally mask-like, even more than most Trek aliens. Why is it that the powerful warrior Remans haven't risen and totally kicked the wimpy Romulans butts? (d) The Romulans steal some of Picard's DNA and clone him so the clone can replace him and become a secret agent. Like that doesn't have about 100 reasons it can't possibly work. (e) When a new regime takes over Romulus, they abandon the Picard-clone project, and throw the clone (named Shinzon) into the dithium mines on Remus, where he suffers terrible brutality (left to our imagination). Does this make sense? Wouldn't they either keep him happy and healthy in case they need him, or kill him if they are afraid of him? (f) The aforementioned clone somehow not only survives, but manages to take over the entire Romulan government???? Can you say Battlefield Earth? (g) Shinzon's loyal second-in-command (a Reman) has some weird telepathic abilities. Apparently he took Shinzon under his wing in the dilithium mines, where he was also a slave, and used his telepathic ability to raise Shinzon to the highest government post. The Romulans are terrified of Shinzon (a wimpy human). Right. (h) Shinzon, of course, identifies and allies himself to the Remans, and he hates the Rolulans. But why does he hate humans, Picard specifically, and why does he want to destroy Earth?(i) Apparently Dr. Soong made yet another prototype of Data, called B-4 (get it? B-4?). How in the world did Shinzon get ahold of it? (He says he "found" it.) So he scatters B-4's pieces on an abandoned planet, resting assured that the Enterprise (no other ship, just the Enterprise) will find it. He also somehow trusts that the Enterprise crew will reassemble B-4 (OK, that's likely) and download all of Data's knowledge and memories into it (Hmmm, you think?) before realizing that B-4 is programmed to escape and return to the Scimitar, where he will immediately give up all the info to Shinzon. Of course it works to Picard's advantage as he discovers the plot, and sends Data over to the Scimitar, disguised as B-4. (j) Oh, I forgot, Shinzon is, of course, much younger than Picard, so the Romulans put some kind of aging device in him when they cloned him. But now it's killing him, and he needs a transfusion with Picards blood. (k) Finally, what was with the Reman luitenant channeling Shinzon's intrusion into and violation of Troi's mind? It was carried out, most ludicrously, by the lietenant putting his hands on Shinzon's bald head and then telepathically targeting Troi. Why????? Oh, I know, so she can tune into HIM later, and find him even though he's cloaked!

4. By the way, Data dies in the movie. Awww, sad. But hey, remember how they downloaded all his knowledge and memories into B-4? Hmmmmm.....

5. OK, after rereading all of the above, it was a pretty bad movie. But here's the biggest plot hole of all: I really enjoyed it! Weird.